Review: Heck Meat-Free Chipolatas

Disclaimer; this might not be the review you’re looking for. This is the green-packeted ‘Meat Free’, not the purple-packeted ‘Meat-Free Magic’ Heck sausages I reviewed a couple of years back.

Another test of the fake meat products which are coming ever-more prominent in British supermarkets and the like; and as I’ve generally enjoyed Heck products I have decent expectations of this one. And I’ve become more inclined towards the chipolata due to their quicker cooking time.

What’s to be said about the packaging? Not much, really; it’s packaging. Does what’s expected. Another of those stealth vegan affairs; only with a diligent search of the packet on the back does it tell me. Oh, it’s also gluten-free.

The experience on opening is underwhelming; the sausages themselves are, well pink tubes. Reminding me of polony or similar. Didn’t smell of much. One slight complaint (but may be simply due to my own sample) was that they were wet enough which each sausage required wiping-off of excess moisture.

It was only from a moment’s inattention doing this that I realised the level of the product’s basic paste-like consistency. Now, this was to be expected, really; it’s not like this product is any way natural, is it? But there and then got a flash of inspiration; grabbed the five chipolatas and basically, returned them into a big ball of paste. This was easy; it’s somewhat sticky and the sausages have no skin. Then I turned them into two patties, which I then grilled.

Generally speaking, they held together as patties, though I’d advise in being a bit more diligent in doing it. Cooks well too; goes a pleasing brown crisp around the edge and all that. The taste experience… was like I was eating a grilled Spam roll. Not perfectly identical, but close enough. Now, this is either a Good Thing or Bad Thing, depending on your experience of said tinned meat.

Nutritionally, this product kinda sucks a bit. The other fake meat sausages had less saturates, as long as my benchmark lean pork ones. Salt is not too great either. However… if you compare this product to a tin of Spam; it wins on all save one front (protein) by a decent margin (and the loss is not that a serious one). But it’s also interesting to note that per kilo this product is cheaper than Spam too.

So in conclusion… this is a product which I do see it occupying a culinary niche and also passes the ‘sandwich test’. May be worth a look.

Nutritionals:

	Per 100g	Per Sausage
Energy	192 cal	58 cal
Fat	9.9g	3g
…which is saturates	5.5g	1.7g
Carbohydrate	13g	3.9g
…which is sugars	1.2g	0.4g
Fibre	5.2g	1.6g
Protein	11g	3.3g
Salt	1.6g	0.48g

Facts:

Full Name: Heck Meat-Free Chipolatas.

RRP: £2.00 (300g – 30g x10).

Available At: Asda, Morrisons.

Ultimate Owner: Heck! Foods Ltd

Date of Testing: 8^th April 2022.

As everything on this blog, merely my own thoughts and opinions. I’ve not received anything for this review. Facts correct at date of testing. Part of my Product Reviews series.

Review: The Vegetarian Butcher What The Cluck

Another entry in the ‘ersatz meat’ category; which oddly enough is now large enough to be a category on this blog. This time, we’re looking at the offering from ‘The Vegetarian Butcher’ Unilever. I know, a bit pedantic, but I’d like to point out a yet another arm of the massive corporate octopi which normally escapes direct attention (however, to their credit they do put their logo on their products, like this one).

Anyway, as ever we start with the packaging. Got that retro, vaguely nouveau look in the design; a part of me wonders whether the woman in the drawing is a real person or not (it’s not the founder; he’s on the other side and is noted by his complete absence of hair). Vague sense of annoyance; as a left-hander, I feel seeing the fork on the right hand side of the stylised dish on the front excludes me. Back to the founder. He’s got a blurb on the back, and as this company was a takeover, he’s a real founder and thus, not a figment of Unilever’s imagination. It’s already been frozen, but does say you can re-freeze. Which is good.

I slip off the card packet, revealing… a plastic tray. Predictable, but a touch sad (had hoped the card packet was the whole thing. Okay, I can be a bit dim at times…). On closer inspection, the pieces don’t look exactly like chicken; they’re a bit too dark, slightly orange in hue than flesh would be. The smell is vaguely odd, the type you find difficult to put your finger on – until you remember that is the smell of soya (88% soya protein/water blend).

I cook lightly in a pan with olive oil, side of lemon couscous and vegetables; so the product is as naked as possible but still in a ‘real world condition’. Like most fakeries, cooks very quickly – I have to in fact, slightly top-up with oil when it started to stick to the pan (though that’s more an indictment of the clapped-out pan which lost it’s non-stick ages ago). Smells kinda nice when cooking too.

Once cooked, it looks much more like chicken; many of the bits have turned an appetizing brown. And the consumption is good. Taste is a touch weak for my liking, but the flavour is chicken-like. Texture is close enough. Either I cooked it better than last time or it’s naturally more moist a product. Once again, I believe this product can cheat the taste-buds. But can it also trick the stomach?

Nutritionally… well, the plus sides first. It’s not hugely bulked out with carbohydrates, and it’s not loaded with saturated fats. Anything else? Oh, it has a bit of fibre in it. Now the minuses.

Firstly, the protein content. It’s basically half the level of the equivalent lean clucky-flesh. Now, that’s not a deal-breaker in itself – we who are watching for this can simply compensate – but this and the price means it’s become a very expensive protein source.

The other one is more serious; the salt. Look, I can’t really get behind a product which has twenty-four times more of it than fresh chicken pieces. Hell, it’s almost two and a half times higher than the cheaper chicken which is plumped up with saltwater. And don’t tell me that it’s unavoidable, for This Isn’t Chicken managed to get the salt down by 40% and they were billed as ‘Salt and Pepper Pieces’.

Okay, I’m aware that these fake meats are salty, but the fact this is not really highlighted on the packaging. They’ve not hidden it – they have the nutritionals ‘per portion’ listed on the front, but… shit. I think I’ve actually found a use of the ‘nutritional traffic lights’ thing (for salt would be a ‘red’… bet that’s why this product’s lights aren’t coloured). My worry is that there’s some folks out there who equate vegan = healthy and then chomp down a load, not realising their error.

If this fact wasn’t enough to give a thumbs-down to this product, the price is. For it stands at £18.75 a kilo. It cannot compete with any form of fleshy chicken at this level. Which leads to me echoing the same conclusion I had for This Isn’t Chicken; while it succeeds on a vegan front, it fails on a pragmatic flexitarian one due to the above problems (though winning on the taste one, just to emphasise).

The founder argues in his blurb that basically, Science Marches On and we will one day be able to replace animal products with ersatz versions. A laudable goal, and one I think we’re come a lot closer to in the last decade, as this product (and others) show. But we’re not there yet.

I’ll consider this product if I was cooking a dish for my vegan sibling which requires a chicken stand-in. Or if it was discounted more than say, 65%. But that’s it, really.

Nutritionals:

Energy	126 cal
Fat	4.2g
…which is saturates	0.5g
Carbohydrate	5.2g
…which is sugars	0.5g
Fibre	2.5g
Protein	16g
Salt	1.7g

Facts:

Full Name: The Vegetarian Butcher What The Cluck

RRP: £3.00 (160g)

Available At: Morrisons, Tesco, Sainsbury’s, Ocado, Waitrose, the Co-Op.

Ultimate Owner: Unilever Plc.

Date of Testing: 21^st November 2021

As everything on this blog, merely my own thoughts and opinions. I’ve not received anything for this review. Facts correct at date of testing. Part of my Product Reviews series.

Review: This Isn’t Chicken Salt & Pepper Pieces

Another log of my ‘adventures in ersatz meat’; this chapter titled ‘can chicken be improved on?’. Which is a good question, as lean, unprocessed chicken is often one of the cornerstones of the fitness-positive diet, for both nutritional, versatility and cost reasons.

The first thing which strikes you is that it’s packaged in card – not plastic. For a person who wonders and somewhat despairs on the level of oil-based rubbish exiting my home, this pleases me. Oh, it’s got a little plastic window… yes, the product looks like chicken pieces. I assume that little film bit can be cut out and the rest put in my card recycling. Oh, and I do like the design of the packaging too.

The ‘How to cook this’ bit says it’s suitable for ‘all the recipes’ – well, I can’t, really. At least, not today; if I made it into a spicy curry, how can I review taste? So I chose to put it with some lemon couscous and some lightly cooked vegetables; a somewhat bland dish where the product has to stand on it’s own two legs, so to speak.

The first stage of cooking is harder to start than anticipated; I can’t open the damn box. Reason; left-handedness strikes again; I’m thinking ‘the wrong way round’. (Note to This; please make the ‘tear here’ label bit more obvious.) Finally try opening it; the plastic film window reveals itself to be a plastic film encasing the whole innards of the box. Does this make it unrecyclable or what? (Not a peep on this on the packaging). Anyway, in all it’s glory… it looks very close to chicken, merely a bit ‘off’ from the flaking – if I didn’t know the existence of fakeries, I might suspect this is some form of reconstituted/reformed chicken. Smells a touch weird, stronger than normal chicken would. But hell, you can’t have everything.

Like most ersatzes, this product cooks really quickly, and requires extra oil assistance (though chicken normally does itself). Smells kinda like chicken, but in the ‘Uncanny Valley’ zone. But it cooks ‘well’, at least to the eye; the masquerade becomes much stronger.

Once I’ve done the other bits, I sit down to tuck in; and it’s good. Perhaps I overcooked it a bit or should have added something more to the process, but the product is a little on the dry side for my taste – but then again, you can also overcook chicken (as old Mrs Cheapskate could testify). But this is a subjective complaint; in all the areas which matter (like looks, taste and so on) it is chicken. Unless it was pointed out to the eater this was in fact a load of soya protein, vegetable fibres and starches basically glued together, they wouldn’t guess.

Well, excellent marks on the taste front; but what about the nutritional one?

For the benchmark I’ll be using a bag of ‘Salt and Pepper’ chicken strips which I found online from a well-known grocers’, which retails at a quarter of the per kilo price than this product – look, this ain’t Which? magazine; I do take into account relative costs here. Anyway, this product – as anybody in This Thing Of Ours will testify – is basically a block of protein (94%) with a smidgeon of fat. This benchmark also carries around 700mg of salt per kilo too; though in this case most if not all of it was from the flavouring.

In This, however the protein ratio drops down to 60%, and while some 20% is taken up by fibre, that leaves more in fats and carbohydrate. Now, credit where it’s due; saturates don’t rise, and the ‘swing’ is not too severe… but it’s still a swing in the wrong direction. This naturally translates into higher calorific count (as fats are more calorie-dense than others), which will need to be accounted for. Lastly, the salt content is up by a third.

Now, don’t get me wrong. This is nutritionally one of the best ersatz meats I’ve tested to date; standing at par with the Naked Glory ‘Beef’ a few months back. It shows just how far the technology for this has come in just a decade. And unlike that product, this one is also freezable.

But the issue is that it’s competing with a product (chicken) which is already a) nutritionally excellent and b) much cheaper. That this wins on the vegan front, but not on the health-conscious ‘flexi’ one. Which is why I personally would not buy this product again (though will repeat, was very tasty). But I would be very interested to see other products in their range…

Nutritionals:

	Per 100g
Energy	167 cal
Fat	4.8g
…which is saturates	0.6g
Carbohydrate	3.3g
…which is sugars	0.5g
Fibre	7.5g
Protein	23g
Salt	1g

Facts:

Full Name: This Isn’t Chicken Plant-Based Sea Salt & Black Pepper Pieces

RRP: £3.85 (190g)

Available At: Sainsbury’s, Ocado, Tesco, Morrisons.

Ultimate Owner: Plant Meat Ltd

Date of Testing: 1^st July 2021

As everything on this blog, merely my own thoughts and opinions. I’ve not received anything for this review. Facts correct at date of testing. Part of my Product Reviews series.

Review: Morrisons V Taste Cumberland Sausages

Strange, these days there seems to be as many ‘meat free’ alternatives out right now than actual meat products. Okay, a bit of hyperbole but less than you’d think. However, this does mean that as they become more common in our lives, we need to work out where and how much they should feature in our diets. So in this installment, I’ll be looking at the own-brand attempt at Cumberland Sausages from the supermarket chain Morrisons.

The packaging has the standard ‘V Taste’ colour scheme, design etc; though at least in this case it was only on the card sleeve of the plastic packet so you can immediately see what it is from afar. Main take-homes are that it’s a ‘source of protein’ and ‘high fibre’ (hmm, I suspect pea fibre), is freezable (good for those like I who live alone) and is apparently made from mushrooms. Which will be an interesting change. Though the purist within me is desires to point out that parsley is not traditionally in a Cumberland sausage.

The plastic film opens well, and all in one piece which makes later rinsing and recycling of the plastic tub easier. The sausages are… well, mainly light green, with dark green flecks. Smells rather nice actually, herby and spicy. Feels a bit soggy; cutting it out of the casings is not advised. They look a bit weird, to tell you the truth.

As with normal with these types of products, I grill them plain, save a tiny brushing of oil as suggested by the instructions. Like many of these things they cook quickly, but in this case the cases started to burn even quicker than I’d anticipated. So perhaps better to have them on a lower heat and to watch them carefully. Nor does it really smell of much while cooking, which is more normal for these products.

They look more palatable when cooked, though you’d need to get over the fact your ‘sausage’ is still green than brown or reddish in hue. Cuts easily enough, kinda grey inside. The taste is simple to describe; peas, sour-ish mushrooms (like when they’re overcooked) and a bit of herb and pepper. Mild, almost bland seasoning too. Which the packet confirms is about the gist of the ingredients. I don’t really like it, but I’m not a massive fan of soggy mushrooms. It’s edible enough, I suppose. Part of me feels conned by the packaging calling it a Cumberland sausage; the experience is simply too far away for it to warrant such a description.

Nutritionally… this product is the most ‘iffy’ sausage to date; in the respect that it’s got the lowest protein and highest carbohydrate I’ve seen. Normally, I don’t go into stats, but feel I need to here. A decent ‘lean’ meat sausage (that I use as my sausage benchmark) has around 50% protein and 20% carbohydrate. This is a level which some of the better meat-frees can approach; often any discrepancy being filled by some extra fibre (which isn’t bad at all). Unfortunately in this case, it’s 50% carbohydrate and 20% protein, a level so low I actually just deleted the ‘protein’ tag for this post. The only real positives here is that it’s got a decent dollop of fibre, has low saturates and is a little lower in the salt rating.

The result is rather clear. Unless you’re a complete fan of mushroom and peas, don’t bother with this product. In fact, I’ll go as far and say go and buy Cauldron Cumberland Sausages instead. They’re about the same price, more widely available, have a more ‘meat-like’ nutritional makeup and taste nicer.

Nutritionals:

	Per 100g	Per Sausage
Energy	132 cal	60 cal
Fat	3.8g	1.7g
…which is saturates	1.8g	0.8g
Carbohydrate	15.4g	7g
…which is sugars	1.6g	0.7g
Fibre	5.4g	2.5g
Protein	6g	2.8g
Salt	1.04g	0.48g

Facts:

Full Name: Morrisons V Taste Cumberland-Style Vegan Sausages.

RRP: £2.80 (280g) – for a packet of six.

Available At: Morrisons.

Ultimate Owner: Wm Morrison Plc.

Date of Testing: 23^rd May 2021

As everything on this blog, merely my own thoughts and opinions. I’ve not received anything for this review. Facts correct at date of testing. Part of my Product Reviews series.

Review: Naked Glory No-Beef Strips

Odd how reality changes plans; when I started reviewing products, I never thought I’d end up doing ‘meat-free’ protein alternatives, but there you go. Though admittedly when I started this blog I’d not intended to do product reviews either…

So, I have a packet of this ersatz beef; a new product only launched a few months ago (apparently). On the packaging front, I rather like it from a design point of view; appears relatively ‘normal’, product itself looks rather nice behind it’s window, distinctive colours and with easy to read print. Makes the usual ‘high protein’ claims, though this one does the fibre ones too.

The main thing which I don’t like here is the packaging itself; people are much less likely to recycle plastic pouches than tubs (my theory; much more effort) and even when they do, it’s often harder to recycle period – my only outlet for this is one ‘bag bin’ at a supermarket which is overflowing some 90% of the time.

The product itself in all it’s glory (no pun intended) looks most like mushroom strips, feels like this a bit to the touch too – no way does it feel like meat. Doesn’t smell of much either; mainly a kind of generic ‘vegetable/fibre’ smell which I’m starting to associate with fake meats.

Interestingly, this product can be eaten cold (apparently), so I give it a whirl. I don’t advise it; or at least if you do consume cold, put it in a spicy salad or something. A touch on the ‘rubbery’ side; tastes like if you’d got a load of soya protein and then bound it up with yeast and some bulking agents (which unsurprisingly, is what they’ve done).

Cooked (or more correctly, re-heated), it’s a bit better, though not a lot. However, when put with other things with actual taste – I put mine with a spicy stir-fry – it sort of works. You know it’s not beef, but it’s not a huge problem. I’d chalk it up to the phrase ‘I don’t really like it, but I can live with it’.

Yet that’s not a complete insult; I’ve come to appreciate that due to health/nutritional concerns, I have a lot I have to ‘live with’, and also ‘live without’ – and ‘red meat’ fills much of the latter category now. Speaking of which… nutritionally, this product is almost identical to the no-taste wonder which was the Linda McCartney’s Vegetarian Sausages I had a couple of months ago, save this product has a bit more fibre and protein per 100 grams. It’s also only around ~15% lower in protein content compared to semi-lean beef strips and contains ~95% less the saturated fat.

The cost for this, however is a bit high for my tastes. First, the salt levels – about average for processed meats like sausages, scarily high for ‘unprocessed’ meats. The other price I really don’t like here is the pounds and pence one – at around £16.50 a kilo, I could find much nicer things to consume, both nutritionally, taste-wise and both.

In conclusion, while I am not going to rush out and buy this again any time soon, I can see if filling a niche; for those recipes which call for ‘meat strips’ and the usual stuff is not usable. But a very small niche – for I would normally simply buy an chicken breast and use that. If I was trying to make a meat-free dish, I would cook up say a load of mushrooms and add some soya protein powder.

In short; simply too expensive and too salty. If the makers sort one of these issues out, I’ll consider this product again. If they sorted out both, I may even advise others to give it a try too…

Nutritionals:

	Per 100g
Energy	146 cal
Fat	4g
…which is saturates	0.4g
Carbohydrate	2.1g
…which is sugars	0.3g
Fibre	6.6g
Protein	22g
Salt	1.10g

Facts:

Full Name: Naked Glory No-Beef Strips

RRP: £2.75 (165g)

Available At: Sainsbury’s, Morrisons, Waitrose, Asda.

Ultimate Owner: Kerry Group Plc (Ireland)

Date of Testing: 06^th April 2021

As everything on this blog, merely my own thoughts and opinions. I’ve not received anything for this review. Facts correct at date of testing. Part of my Product Reviews series.

Review: Linda McCartney’s Vegetarian Sausages

I’ll admit I’m approaching this product with a bit of trepidation; I once had a ‘Meat-Free Pie’ from them during my ‘Year of Pain’ and it was inedible to the point where even a hungry, cold person would not consume it. However, that was some time ago and I’ve had it on semi-reliable authority that the range has improved since then.

A note of clarification; these are the chilled sausages, not the frozen ones. I don’t know whether they are the same product simply in different states of temperature, but I’m not going to assume anything until I am told otherwise.

First off, the packet. Find it a touch odd that they’re still called ‘vegetarian’ even though they’re vegan; suppose that the former is a trademark or something. Main take-home parts here is that they use a metal foil tray instead of the usual plastic, which is (I assume) better for the environment (well, as long as you recycle the tray). The product picture on the front is perhaps one of the most lying I’ve seen for some time; I feel that it’s seriously cheating by presenting it slathered in thick gravy to the point you can barely even spot it. It’s also palm oil free, for those who are about that sort of thing.

The product itself looks like, well flesh-coloured, slightly knobbly sausage-y tubes. It smells of nothing in particular, and has a mildly slimy feel about them when handled cold. Not appetising, but nor is ‘normal’ sausages raw either. As ever, I’m grilling them solo; which works fine though there’s almost nil scent or sound of ‘cooking’ going on. However, it’s advisable that you brush them with oil or something due to a obvious lack of ‘lubrication’ coming from the product itself.

When cooked, the product still smells of nothing. Looks decent enough; clearly in ‘uncanny valley’ territory here. When cut open, it also looks close enough to a ‘proper’ sausage too. Unfortunately, the effect is ruined as soon as you eat a part of it, for it tastes of basically, soya protein. Which this product basically is. For those who don’t consume protein powders, the taste of soya protein is basically ‘nothing in particular’.

Nutritionally, it’s better than a ‘lean’ meat sausage, quite similar to the Cauldron I reviewed a couple of weeks ago. The main difference here being that this product has a bit more fibre and protein in it, which is good if you’re squeezing your diet to the max.

However, the price of this is a complete lack of enjoyment. If I simply wanted the protein, I’d make a ‘protein sauce’ with some powder or something. If I wanted ‘filling’, I’d tank a load of water or something. In fact, I’m disliking this product for if this was your first foray into ‘meat free’, this could make you run back into the arms of your butcher and not re-try any other products for years – like the ‘meat free pie’ did for me back in 2008.

As you’ll guess; I won’t be buying this product again any time soon…

Nutritionals:

	Per 100g	Per Sausage
Energy	144 cal	65 cal
Fat	5.5g	2.5g
…which is saturates	0.9g	0.4g
Carbohydrate	2g	0.9g
…which is sugars	0.7g	0.3g
Fibre	5.8g	2.6g
Protein	18.4g	8.3g
Salt	1.3g	0.60g

Facts:

Full Name: Linda McCartney’s Vegetarian Sausages

RRP: £2.60 (270g – 45g x6)

Available At: Morrisons, Sainsbury’s, Waitrose.

Ultimate Owner: Hain Celestial Group (United States)

Date of Testing: 11^th February 2021

As everything on this blog, merely my own thoughts and opinions. I’ve not received anything for this review. Facts correct at date of testing. Part of my Product Reviews series.

Review: Cauldron Cumberland Sausages

This was an accidental purchase; saw it in the reduced section of a supermarket, the price sticker covering up the ‘vegetarian’ part on the front label. Would I have bought this if I had known at the time? Not exactly sure, but that’s a question which is irrelevant to the purposes of this review. However, the fact this seems to have been thrown into the ‘veganuary’ stuff has caused some acidic comments from vegans – though from where I’m sitting, it was only put in ‘meat free’, which does not actually mean ‘vegan’ and nor does Cauldron market themselves as such (Cauldron is only vegetarian, as it uses egg as a binder).

The packaging is decent enough; a plastic tray with a card sliding cover; allowing you to see the product (kinda) and at least the card bit can be recycled (well, so can plastic but it’s a lot harder to do so). The main takeaways from this bit is that the vegetarian aspect is somewhat soft-pedalled, and the ‘this is a good sausage’ is pushed strongly – which is not that surprising, as it appears that Quorn (Cauldron is a sub-brand) is primarily consumed by carnivores than vegetarians. This makes sense for a mass-market brand; there’s simply a lot more of us eaters of flesh than those who abstain. No mention about it’s protein content, though; a touch worrying with the tendency of a lot of these products to be pretty deficient.

The sausage itself doesn’t look the most appetising; the same greenish-grey that I got with the Heck Meat-Free last month – though this one has black flecks too. Smells vaguely vegetable matter-like. Oddly firm in texture, in fact almost rubbery. The similarities continue when cooking; no spitting fat, time a bit less, smells vaguely nice when cooking.

On eating, it feels a bit less artificially, ‘spam-like’ in texture, though you get a strong sense of ‘uncanny valley’ on the taste front – in that it kinda tastes like Cumberland sausage, but there’s something you can’t quite put your finger on which tells you it’s not meat. But on it’s own merits; tastes okay enough – the peppered nature of Cumberland does mean the product does actually have a taste.

Nutritionally is where things get interesting. When we re-scale a Cauldron to be the same size as a lean meat Cumberland (of which I had a handy packet of on-hand) we see that per ‘sausage’, everything is about equal save the saturates which Cauldron are 75% lower. Yes, we have a meat-free sausage which has the same levels of protein as pork and is not larded with salt (as in, even more than normal sausages – each banger is still 10% of your daily allowance…)

The conclusion is obvious. If you are a person who is avoiding pork sausages merely on it’s excessive saturates – well, Cauldrons are here to take it’s place. Now, I wouldn’t advocate eating them in a sandwich or by themselves – but if another dish, or with say gravy I think they’d work pretty well.

Nutritionals:

	Per 100g	Per Sausage
Energy	163 cal	75 cal
Fat	8.7g	4g
…which is saturates	0.7g	0.3g
Carbohydrate	6.5g	3g
…which is sugars	0.9g	0.4g
Fibre	2g	0.9g
Protein	14.1g	6.5g
Salt	1.3g	0.60g

Facts:

Full Name: Cauldron Vegetarian Cumberland Sausages

RRP: £2.50 (276g – 46g x6).

Available At: Sainsbury’s, Asda, Tesco, Waitrose, Ocado.

Ultimate Owner: Monde Nissen (Philippines)

Date of Testing: 28^th January 2021

As everything on this blog, merely my own thoughts and opinions. I’ve not received anything for this review. Facts correct at date of testing. Part of my Product Reviews series.

Review: Koko Dairy Free Super Milk

Okay, I’ve not been impressed with non-dairy milk replacements so far, but that’s no excuse to write them all off. At least not yet. Which is why I got this product in. Plus, it was cheap.

Like the vast majority of the milk replacements out there, this product comes in the ever-common Tetra-Pak, though the type with the round-screw lid which I consider the superior version. Also has a plastic ring-pull underneath, an extra layer of security against accidental opening. The picture on the front features a coconut and said trees – think this is a touch pushing the definition as ‘coconut milk’ is only 8% of the product. I suppose calling it ‘Koko Dairy Free White Water’ was less appealing from a marketing point of view.

It says it’s been enriched with ‘9 vitamins and minerals’, the blurb on the side talks about it ‘providing more nutrients than any other milk’ – we’ll take a look at that in a bit. Talks about it being suitable for folks allergic to dairy, soya, nuts and gluten – so perhaps trying to cater to the ‘allergic to everything’ crowd which while they do exist suspect in much lower levels than claimed via self-diagnosis.

What else? Oh, one side tells you what it’s been enriched with, and what each nutrient does – offering the customer a little tit-bit of knowledge which I won’t sniff at. Oh, and it’s suitable for vegans too.

The product itself pours a bit thickly, though so does real milk. Looks like milk, though in a particular light you’ll spot a bit of an oily sheen on the top of it. Doesn’t really smell of anything in particular, when drunk tastes vaguely of coconut, but not much else. Sweeter than I’m used to, but that might be partly down to the fact I normally consume skimmed milk.

I’ve tried the product in several different ways, and report the following. When drunk alone, it’s fine. Works well enough in porridge and cereals. Borderline acceptable in tea and coffee, though does give the drink an orange tinge, needs really good stirring and tastes a touch oily. Complete fail when it came to protein shakes; the product simply does not blend with the powder, however much you try (simply sits on the top, rather like cocoa does with milk).

Nutritionally, this product is one of the better non-dairy milks I’ve seen. It’s fat and saturates level is a halfway between semi-skimmed and full fat, has half the salt and isn’t simply a load of carbohydrate. It’s main minus here is the traditional one for vegan products – lack of protein. It’s around a third you’d score for cow’s milk. Okay, a bit more fibre is nice, but not at that cost.

Now, as promised – the ‘enrichment’. Yes, the claim is correct as ‘providing more nutrients’ when judged as number of them, but when the level of them is taken into account, it’s a more iffy story – of the five both this product provides and standard milk, the Koko ‘wins’ only one (calcium) and ‘draws’ another (vitamin B2). The other three it’s a clear defeat.

In conclusion; if you have to have dairy-free, this is a pretty good product. If you’re not, it isn’t – average at best. Simple as that. The only other advantage I can think of is if you’re waging a complete ‘war on carbs’, for this is about 30% less than cow’s milk.

Facts:

Full Name: Koko Dairy Free Super Milk

RRP: £1.50 (1 L)

Available At: Asda, Waitrose, Ocado, Sainsbury’s.

Ultimate Owner: First Grade International Ltd

Date of Testing: 20^th January 2021

As everything on this blog, merely my own thoughts and opinions. I’ve not received anything for this review. Part of my ‘Product Reviews’ series.

Review: Heck Meat-Free Sausages

This is a review for the purple-packeted ‘Meat-Free Magic’ Heck sausages. If you’re looking for the newer, green-packeted ‘Meat Free’ sausages, I did review the chipolatas too.

Another unlikely suspect for review, but I have my reasons; not only did I write long ago about vegan alternatives but I’m also a bit annoyed by the loud vegan fan boys/girls who make claims that such ‘plant based’ no, pretend meat is great in every single way and everyone should consume it. Well, challenge accepted.

The packet looks the pretty much the same as the other Heck products, save there’s a logo of a plant of some kind on the front. I notice that they use the term ‘meat free’ rather than ‘vegan’; perhaps feeling that the latter term is a large turn-off to some of the population (not surprising, as I’ve had a few stinkers of vegan foods in my time). It also proclaims itself to be ‘high protein’, again perhaps in reaction to my noticing that many vegan meat alternatives are nutritionally akin to bread.

The sausage looks a bit odd to my carnivore’s eyes; greenish-grey than the pink-red of flesh. Has some dark flecks in it, like spices or something. Feels okay, though. The smell is oddest of all; I can’t put my finger on it past ‘some sort of vegetable matter’. I looked at the ingredients, and while I could say I could smell the pea and beetroot within, I suspect I could claim a half-dozen others.

I decided to cook them by grilling; to keep the taste / texture as close to ‘as intended’ as possible – after all, many things can taste nice when larded with, say a spicy sauce. Smelled rather nice while cooking; though that’s no real proof of good taste. Naturally, doesn’t spit from the fat while grilling, cooks a bit quicker than flesh too.

The first sign this is not a meat sausage is when you cut it in half. As in, it slices cleanly, a bit like when dealing with highly-processed meats like Spam or polony. Again, you have the greenish-grey innards looking at you – perhaps in a poor light you may mistake this as a Lincolnshire sausage.

Bite is easy; again, like if you were eating polony. Tastes okay, though not of much. Vaguely like mysterious ‘minced plant matter’. Okay, if you have a dish which requires a sausage, this would be a fair meat-free approximation but heck, this product is not appetising, at least not as something to be eaten by itself (which is a sign of a great product, in my opinion; even bread or milk can be delicious solo).

Nutritionally… is interesting. For comparison, I’ll compare it to the ‘normal’ Heck pork sausages, which I’ll testify are delicious. This version is a third of the calories, a twentieth of the fat, a fortieth of the saturates and is ten percent less salt. Unfortunately, this comes at a third of the protein and ten times the carbohydrate – yes, this sausage is more a bread-log than a tube of minced flesh. The only other thing notable is the fact it has decent amount of fibre; testament to the fact that pea protein is a major ingredient. In fact, almost as much fibre than protein.

In conclusion… I can see a use for this product, and not just for vegans. If you’re on a calorie-restricted and/or limited saturate diet, this would make a decent alternative sausage. It’s weird nutritionals mean that three of them consumed at once by themselves would count as a light meal – though the salt intake would need to be taken into account. But if you were consuming these regularly, you’d have to remember you’re not getting a lot of protein from each banger.

The main problem is, as you’d guess the absence of taste. Look, I’m not demanding that they taste exactly of meat, but I would like it to taste of something. Until they offer flavoured meat-free sausages, I think I won’t be buying this product any time soon.

Vegan fan boys/girls not that honest about the brilliance of alternatives, in this case.

Nutritionals:

	Per 100g	Per Sausage
Energy	96 cal	63 cal
Fat	1.2g	0.8g
…which is saturates	0.2g	0.1g
Carbohydrate	10g	6.6g
…which is sugars	0.6g	0.4g
Fibre	6.6g	4.4g
Protein	7.8g	5.1g
Salt	1.6g	0.5g

Facts:

Full Name: Heck Meat-Free Magic Sausages

RRP: £2.50 (400g – 66g x 6)

Available At: Waitrose, Asda, Morrison’s, Sainsbury’s, Tesco.

Ultimate Owner: Heck! Foods Ltd

Date of Testing: 15^th December 2020

As everything on this blog, merely my own thoughts and opinions. I’ve not received anything for this review. Facts correct at date of testing. Part of my Product Reviews series.

Review: Alpro Oat Milk

I said, quite a few months ago now that I’d sometime check out vegan alternatives for cow’s milk; and finally I’ve got round to it.

Like many of these things, it comes in a TetraPak. Mainly white, picture of oat grains on the front, saying about how nice it is and so on. You know the drill my now. Claims to be “good for you”, another claim which could be affixed to anything which wasn’t obvious poisonous or inedible. I open it up, the top doesn’t have a ring-pull within. Give a sniff… nothing, really. Pouring it out produces a liquid which is a good approximation of milk, but hits the “uncanny valley” zone – you know it’s trying to be, you know it’s isn’t but can’t put your finger on how.

Tastes… not of much, actually. A little bit sweet, with an obvious oaty aftertaste. I mean, it’s not great, but it’s okay. Works well enough in tea, coffee, cereal and porridge; while you know it isn’t milk, you can pretty much go with it. I mean, it’s bland enough to not cause offence. Though it does make your cup of tea look a bit more on the orange side than you’re used to.

Nutrition-wise… I’m not impressed. Yes, it has lower fat and saturates than semi-skimmed milk. It also contains a bit of fibre, is a touch lower in salt and has been fortified with calcium. But with around twenty percent higher carbohydrate and reducing it’s protein content to effectively zero. At near three times the price.

To which I say; worth. Honestly, the only point I see for this product is if you’re lactose intolerant / vegan and you must have something “milk-like” to go in say a cereal. Otherwise, avoid.

Facts:

Full Name: Alpro Oat Unsweetened Drink

RRP: £1.50 (1L)

Available At: Morrisons, Tesco, Asda, Sainsbury’s

Ultimate Owner: Danone S.A. (France)

Date of Testing: 12^th June 2020

As everything on this blog, merely my own thoughts and opinions. I’ve not received anything for this review. Part of my ‘Product Reviews’ series.