Review: Nutty Nature Fruit & Peanut Bar

Another day, another apparently random brand chances are you’ve never heard of – though I suspect you’ve heard of Pulsin by now, right? Well, this is a subsidiary brand. And as I picked up this in a grocery discounters (and was not short-dated) it suggests it’s the ‘value’ brand of the company. Well, is it as good as Pulsin products?

One advantage of knowing ownership is that we can automatically take their claims of being gluten/dairy/soya free and vegan at face value. Well, as much as we can for a private entity. This particular product is a multipack; a rather attractive little box even if the ‘lying rating’ is about 35% (however, it’s quite possible this was simply a box in use for another product, or a standard size from the box factory). The brown/tan combo might not be the nicest set on the world, but at least it makes it relatively easy to read the print.

The box opens up fine, revealing the bars within. Yeah… they cut the corner here; no print at all save a warning about peanuts and what I suspect to be a batch number. So not helpful if – like me – you’re the sort who de-boxes their bars and puts them in tubs or a drawer. However, at least the film is sturdy and opens well enough when desired – a design contradiction of terms, if you think about it.

The moment I open it up I realise; it’s another date bar. A small strip (well, it is only 30g) of brown and tan – the latter being the crushed peanuts. The experience was pleasant enough; the peanuts weren’t too stingy and the addition of some raisins took the edge off the

While I cannot prove it, I am rather sure I’ve had a Pulsin bar (before I started reviewing the shit I try) which tasted very like this. To the level of which I think I’d fail a blind taste-test. However, this could realistically be said for the vast majority of date bars/logs out there – that when you’ve got such a limited palette of ingredients, there’s not many combinations you can do. Which means once again – if you like date-bars, you’ll like this. And vice-versa.

Which means it all comes down to the other two elements of this – nutritionals and price. Well, on the former, it comes in as a generic snack bar, almost identical in the macros to other date-bars like the Lidl and Aldi offerings. That once again, it’s charms are in what it isn’t rather than what it is. And the latter… well, I would guess it is marginally cheaper per kilo than those two shops too.

So in conclusion; a decent enough offering, the kind of thing which could function in your life as a kind of ‘snacky (not so) crap’ item. But I wouldn’t bother making much of a detour to do a bulk-purchase of them, though…

Nutritionals:

	Per 100g	Per Bar
Energy	396 cal	119 cal
Fat	16.2g	4.9g
…which is saturates	2.7g	0.8g
Carbohydrate	48.9g	14.7g
…which is sugars	46.8g	14.g
Fibre	4.7g	1.4g
Protein	11.3g	3.4g
Salt	0.18g	0.06g

Facts:

Full Name: Nutty Nature Fruit & Peanut Bar

RRP: £0.25 (30g) – from a multipack of 4.

Available At: Home Bargains

Ultimate Owner: S-Ventures Plc.

Date of Testing: 2^nd January 2023

Version Tested: Perfect Peanut

As everything on this blog, merely my own thoughts and opinions. I’ve not received anything for this review. Facts correct at date of testing. Part of my Product Reviews series.

Review: Wild Trail Fruit & Nut Bar

It’s not often these days I get to experience a genuinely new product, and what’s more from a genuinely independent company to boot. Naturally, the main question here is whether it’s worth having.

We start with the packet, as it’s a multi-pack. ‘Five simple ingredients’, it boasts. Hmm, isn’t ‘arsenic’ an ingredient? Okay, I’m no way implying this product has arsenic in it, but I am not hugely enamoured to ‘appeals to simplicity’, at least not for it’s own sake. Oh, also gluten-free and vegan. What’s more, I can’t help but notice that it’s got a pretty long ‘best before’ date too. The marketer within rather likes the packet design; cannot help smile at the ‘cardboard effect’ on the outside, even though I’ll tell you that it appears to be fake. However, I’m not smiling at the level of lies the package has told me regarding the size; each bar is perhaps only 60% of the height of the box, and with rather too much space on the sides too.

I pull out one of the packets; yes, it’s small. Though it does have some decent heft to it, which I noticed when I dropped it on the desk a moment ago by accident. Basically a repeat of the box again, the plastic cover has some clear area which allows me to see the product itself. Hmm… nut bits in… is that date? Or raisins? Well, I’m about to find out. Anything else needing to be known? Well, the plastic is sturdy for transport and also has the best before printed on it. So all good there.

I fuck up opening one end, have more success on the other. The first scent is predictable enough… peanuts and either raisins or dates (for to tell the truth, I can’t really tell between them). Opening my eyes, I see a predictable brown bar with tan flecks (the peanut bits, clearly) within. A closer look shows some brown flecks in the top, which is clearly the cacao. Breaks easily enough with no fragmentation; showing that the nut flecks run within too.

In my mind, I’ve nicknamed this type of product ‘date logs’, and the fact this one is in fact raisin doesn’t really matter much in this case. The taste is distinctive and predictable, and there’s not a hell of a lot of things which can be done with it either. And this product does not veer too far off this base-line; it basically can’t with the self-limited palette. However, this is clearly a better quality of product than some of the others; you can tell this because they don’t scrimp on the peanuts – the pieces are relatively generous and more numerous than some other brands and the addition of some apple concentrate has helped make it moister and with a tangy edge. In all; I rather like it, and I don’t even like raisins.

Nutritionally, it’s a clear ‘snack bar’, due to it’s relative lack of any macro in abundance, but with these products the attraction is more in what it isn’t, not what it is. To whit; a doughnut, chocolate bar or other confectionery item. It’s saturates and salt are impressively low, and while it may still be around 60% carbohydrate… well, carbs are not automatically The Enemy. Even if you’re dieting. And it does have a bit of both protein and fibre. Though not enough raisins to count as one of your ‘five a day’, unfortunately. However, I think I’ve spotted an advantage; it seems to be ‘lighter’ calorie-wise than the date versions.

In conclusion… I could see this working for you. For example, a energy-boosting snack when you’re flagging, with a cup of tea or coffee (no, fruit doesn’t always hit the spot here, before you say anything) or perhaps in a packed lunch. However, it does rely on you liking the above mentioned ‘date logs’ above, which I know from experience is a bit of an ask.

Nutritionals:

	Per 100g	Per Bar
Energy	383 cal	115 cal
Fat	11g	3.4g
…which is saturates	1g	0.3g
Carbohydrate	56g	17g
…which is sugars	32g	9.7g
Fibre	11g	3.3g
Protein	8.6g	2.6g
Salt	0.12g	0.04g

Facts:

Full Name: Wild Trail Fruit & Nut Bar

RRP: £0.50 (30g) – from a multipack of 4.

Available At: Tesco.

Ultimate Owner: Brighter Foods Ltd

Date of Testing: 31^st August 2022

Version Tested: Cacao

As everything on this blog, merely my own thoughts and opinions. I’ve not received anything for this review. Facts correct at date of testing. Part of my Product Reviews series.

Review: The Protein Ball Company Breakfast Balls

Sometimes there’s a backstory to a product being reviewed; this isn’t one of them. I simply spotted it, noted I’d not tried it yet and thusly, bought it to do so. After all, this is the purpose of all these reviews; I try everything (ultimately) so you don’t have to.

First off, I don’t like it when I’m lied to; even if it’s an innocent lie. For there is no such thing as ‘The Protein Ball Company’; it’s actually just a trademark. I know why you’ve done it too; to increase search hits. Though thank God they’ve actually named this product ‘breakfast balls’ otherwise the post title would have a redundancy and would do my head in. I also don’t really like it when the company hides the ultimate company identity either – okay, it’s not hidden, but they didn’t make it easy for me to find it out. Which was a bit weird as they’ve got nothing to hide here.

The start is the usual packeting; tiny square plastic thing, about the same size as a small packet of nuts. Can’t complain here; not excessively large for the contents and it’s sturdy enough to survive in a bag or similar without worrying about it failing and shedding the balls everywhere. Speaking of which… the picture on the front. Clearly, it’s another date-ball we’re experiencing. The other takeaway point is the claims about being a ‘Vitamin Ball’; containing B12, C and D3. I lack the technical knowledge to comment on this. Oh, it’s also gluten-free and vegan.

Due to the fact the pack is pretty sturdy, it’s a bit difficult to open; not that difficult, but enough of a challenge you might worry about the ‘ripping open and shedding contents’ issue (but hey, you can’t have everything). The claim to be ‘Blueberry Muffin’ is borne out by the scent which hits me on opening the packet; it’s strong and – as long as you like the flavour – alluring. I extract a ball… and feel a little let down. It’s a lot smaller than the picture. It’s also nearly entirely consisting of date; a situation confirmed when I slice it in half. The taste… is a lot less appealing than the smell, to be honest; going from ‘Blueberry Muffin’ to ‘Date and Blueberries’. It’s still pleasant enough – the two tastes ‘work’ – but I’d argue the alluring smell writes a cheque the taste-buds can’t cash.

Nutritionally… this product is a generic ‘snack bar’, though a reasonably decent one at that (a little ironically, marginally misses the ‘energy bar’ due to lack of protein). Low in salt and saturates, with a reasonable (for the size) fibre and protein. But it’s nothing special on this front; it’s within the band which you’d expect from a date-based product.

Which leads to the conclusion for this product; decent enough offering, but nothing special – if you’re familiar with the realm of flavoured date-based bars/balls. And such a product might be able to touch a niche in your diet; for example as a snacky packet on your desk at work, as an alternative to the chocolates or other nutritionally worse items.

Nutritionals:

	Per 100g	Per Pack
Energy	397 cal	178 cal
Fat	16g	7.3g
…which is saturates	2.4g	1.1g
Carbohydrate	45g	20g
…which is sugars	38g	17g
Fibre	8g	3.6g
Protein	14g	6.5g
Salt	0.13g	0.06g

Facts:

Full Name: The Protein Ball Company Breakfast Balls

RRP: £1.80 (45g)

Available At: Morrisons, Sainsbury’s, https://www.dolphinfitness.co.uk

Ultimate Owner: Skinilean Ltd

Date of Testing: 9^th June 2022

Version Tested: Blueberry Oat Muffin

As everything on this blog, merely my own thoughts and opinions. I’ve not received anything for this review. Facts correct at date of testing. Part of my Product Reviews series.

Review: Good Fibrations Fibre Bar

High-fibre bars have generally rather disappointed me; they’ve generally come in only three variants; the ‘stale cake’, the ‘chewy seed bar’ or the ‘date log’. And generally speaking, none of them have been overly appetising. Perhaps I’ve not a little nuts, but there’s a bit of me which hopes that this bar shall be different. Well, only one way to find that one out, eh?

The packet design vaguely reminds me of another product… which I for the life of me I can’t remember. But it’s a decent enough design. An announcement on the front that the bar is a third of a daily fibre requirement, which is true enough once I check out the nutritionals. Oh, and it’s also vegan and gluten-free. Otherwise, not much else to report on this front, partly due to the simple fact the packet is small and thus, not a hell of a lot you can do with it.

I finally manage to get the packet open and see… uh-oh. The date log. With several bits of nuts etc encased within. Smells like a date-log. And feels. And breaks like one. The taste… is of a date-log mixed with peanut butter. It comes close, but not totally successful in covering up the date-log taste; the effect I shall say is successful. Yes, it is the best date-log tested so far.

On looking at the macros, the bar is ‘true’ fibre bar and the most fibrous tested so far. The reason for this is simple enough; the makers took the two traditional high-fibre products – chicory root and date paste – and slapped them together. Seems such a simple idea to the point I wonder why on earth nobody had thought of doing it before. But isn’t the sign of a good product that you simply cannot imagine how it could have not existed before?

The main counter to this is simple; price. For the fibre rating you could chew through a couple of stale cakes and still be a decent margin in pence ahead of this product. But on the other side, it could be argued that this product is better value because it’s nutritional density is higher and the general consumption experience better. And this is a argument I’m going to accept… sorta. Now, I’m not going to run out and buy a load of these for my packed lunches – said price is honestly too rich for me – but I can see this product worth looking at if you do make packed lunches, or are a decent consumer of barred products in general.

Nutritionals:

	Per 100g	Per Bar
Energy	420 cal	147 cal
Fat	13g	4.6g
…which is saturates	1.6g	0.6g
Carbohydrate	54g	19g
…which is sugars	33g	12g
Fibre	29g	10g
Protein	7.5g	2.6g
Salt	0.24g	0.08g

Facts:

Full Name: Good Fibrations Bar

RRP: £1.29 (35g)

Available At: Boots, Superdrug, Holland & Barrett, Ocado.

Ultimate Owner: The Gut Stuff Ltd.

Date of Testing: 21^st May 2022

Version Tested: Peanut Butter

As everything on this blog, merely my own thoughts and opinions. I’ve not received anything for this review. Facts correct at date of testing. Part of my Product Reviews series.

Review: Heck Meat-Free Chipolatas

Disclaimer; this might not be the review you’re looking for. This is the green-packeted ‘Meat Free’, not the purple-packeted ‘Meat-Free Magic’ Heck sausages I reviewed a couple of years back.

Another test of the fake meat products which are coming ever-more prominent in British supermarkets and the like; and as I’ve generally enjoyed Heck products I have decent expectations of this one. And I’ve become more inclined towards the chipolata due to their quicker cooking time.

What’s to be said about the packaging? Not much, really; it’s packaging. Does what’s expected. Another of those stealth vegan affairs; only with a diligent search of the packet on the back does it tell me. Oh, it’s also gluten-free.

The experience on opening is underwhelming; the sausages themselves are, well pink tubes. Reminding me of polony or similar. Didn’t smell of much. One slight complaint (but may be simply due to my own sample) was that they were wet enough which each sausage required wiping-off of excess moisture.

It was only from a moment’s inattention doing this that I realised the level of the product’s basic paste-like consistency. Now, this was to be expected, really; it’s not like this product is any way natural, is it? But there and then got a flash of inspiration; grabbed the five chipolatas and basically, returned them into a big ball of paste. This was easy; it’s somewhat sticky and the sausages have no skin. Then I turned them into two patties, which I then grilled.

Generally speaking, they held together as patties, though I’d advise in being a bit more diligent in doing it. Cooks well too; goes a pleasing brown crisp around the edge and all that. The taste experience… was like I was eating a grilled Spam roll. Not perfectly identical, but close enough. Now, this is either a Good Thing or Bad Thing, depending on your experience of said tinned meat.

Nutritionally, this product kinda sucks a bit. The other fake meat sausages had less saturates, as long as my benchmark lean pork ones. Salt is not too great either. However… if you compare this product to a tin of Spam; it wins on all save one front (protein) by a decent margin (and the loss is not that a serious one). But it’s also interesting to note that per kilo this product is cheaper than Spam too.

So in conclusion… this is a product which I do see it occupying a culinary niche and also passes the ‘sandwich test’. May be worth a look.

Nutritionals:

	Per 100g	Per Sausage
Energy	192 cal	58 cal
Fat	9.9g	3g
…which is saturates	5.5g	1.7g
Carbohydrate	13g	3.9g
…which is sugars	1.2g	0.4g
Fibre	5.2g	1.6g
Protein	11g	3.3g
Salt	1.6g	0.48g

Facts:

Full Name: Heck Meat-Free Chipolatas.

RRP: £2.00 (300g – 30g x10).

Available At: Asda, Morrisons.

Ultimate Owner: Heck! Foods Ltd

Date of Testing: 8^th April 2022.

As everything on this blog, merely my own thoughts and opinions. I’ve not received anything for this review. Facts correct at date of testing. Part of my Product Reviews series.

Review: Pulsin High Fibre Brownie

I don’t get to try Pulsin products much; mainly on the basis they’re a) expensive and b) rarely discounted. And the latter may be a good sign of the quality of the products in the first place. Or not. Well, the only way to find out in this case is to test it…

Like most (if not all) Pulsin products, they’ve vegan; an announcement of such on front of the packet. Well, ‘plant-based’. Said packet has the standard ‘house style’ for this brand; they’ve now all-but finished changing from the designs seen in the late-teens. The similarities continue with the blurb in the back; claims about it being gluten/soya/dairy free and vegan. Once again, my pedantic nature points out the third bit is not necessary if it’s also the fourth. But hey, some people are stupid; I’ve heard folks say that chicken was a root crop, like potatoes. One thing which has long caused me to wonder; what’s so great about ‘cold pressing’ stuff (this product is)? Is this a sop to cater for the demented raw food crowd?

I open up said packet (easily, for the record) to be confronted by… ah crap, it’s another date-bar. I give it a noseful; yep, dates. Though I could also pick up hazelnut. Which I assume is all the crushed-up bits of nut within the log-bar. I pick a fragment out of the bar to give it a test; yes, hazelnut. I know, master of the obvious, this being a hazelnut bar, but you never know…

Pulling out the bar from the packet, the date-log continues all the way through (ie there isn’t any snazzy topping); it’s a bit on the greasy side, to eating directly out of the packet may be in order. The bar itself is firm, but breaks relatively easily with minimal fragmenting. Bites well too; it’s a bit on the dry side but nothing serious.

Taste-wise… I would say it works. Unless you positively hate dates and like cocoa and/or hazelnut, you’ll be able to get behind this. Okay, it doesn’t really taste like a brownie (that would be an impossible task) but does taste kinda nice. I do feel a touch conned, mind; hazelnuts are at 5%, but peanuts are at 22%. Hell, peanut butter outranks hazelnut. But then again, I would be calling this a ‘date and peanut bar’.

Nutritionally… ironically, at only 15% fibre content, it doesn’t come in as a true fibre bar by my reckoning (though it’s not that far off). It’s also got decent level of protein, low salt and the saturates are not that high so on that front it’s pretty decent. I’ve spent some time trying to find some comparative product in my records, but there isn’t any. Speaking personally, I could see this being a snack-replacement with a coffee or tea, or perhaps in a packed lunch. The kicker is, naturally the relatively high unit cost and the general lack of finding said products going cheap.

Nutritionals:

	Per 100g	Per Bar
Energy	447 cal	157 cal
Fat	26.7g	9.3g
…which is saturates	7.5g	2.6g
Carbohydrate	31.3g	11g
…which is sugars	22.9g	8g
Fibre	15.1g	5.3g
Protein	12.9g	4.5g
Salt	0.18g	0.06g

Facts:

Full Name: Pulsin High Fibre Brownie

RRP: £0.99 (35g)

Available At: Tesco, Ocado, www.dolphinfitness.co.uk, www.musclefood.com.

Ultimate Owner: Pulsin Ltd.

Date of Testing: 13^th March 2022

Version Tested: Chocolate Hazelnut.

As everything on this blog, merely my own thoughts and opinions. I’ve not received anything for this review. Facts correct at date of testing. Part of my Product Reviews series.

Review: Ma Baker Giant Bar

It has to be said; when it comes to barred products, there’s only a few ways to go, and the oat flapjack is one of them. Though generally speaking, it’s not that a popular way to go – I have my theories, but shall save them for the day I do a post about the types of bar you can buy. True enough, this is no way a protein bar or anything, but my own Morrison’s did shove them into the same gondola along with a load of them, so it’s understandable you might think they’re the same grouping or something. Plus, sometimes you need a big block of calories – that’s energy, which is needed to do stuff.

The first thing that strikes you is the size of this product; at 90g, it’s one of the largest ‘single portion’ servings I’ve seen. Well, it is called a ‘Giant Bar’, is it not? I shall admit, I rather like the packaging design. Through the gaps in said packaging I can see the product itself; looks like a flapjack, save a couple of dark bits embedded within which I’m not exactly sure of. Anything else worth mentioning… well, notices that it’s wheat free, vegan, handmade in the UK. Okay, not so sure why ‘handmade’ is a good thing, really. Though I am a person who spent the best part of an hour hand-sewing stuff which would have been done better by machine…

Said packet proves itself to be pretty sturdy, which means it’s good for keeping in said bag without fears of it rupturing accidentally and then getting all stale and inedible. Opens okay, though; and the plastic can be opened up to serve as a little table, because it’s a rare flapjack which does not disintegrate. The nose tells me it’s banana, which means it’s continuing to function correctly as that’s the flavour of this bar. Continues to look like just an ordinary flapjack, to be honest.

It breaks a little too easily for my liking, and biting into it reveals it’s a bit on the flaky side. Tastes like a banana flapjack, though not an overly sweet one. Or strongly tasting one. Closer investigation shows those ‘dark bits’ turn out to be little bits of banana, spread through the bar with decent consistency, which means the taste is relatively uniform (which may be a good or bad thing, depending on temperament). It’s not claggy in consumption, though it is a bit on the dry side. Consumption without liquid is not recommended. But tasty enough; not as yummy as a ‘true’ flapjack with the oodles of sugars and syrups, but ideally meaning it’s not so harsh on the macros-side.

Speaking of which, this product does clearly come in as a generic snack bar; it’s primarily a block of carbs, so can’t be anything else. But at least the saturates aren’t off the scale (when taking the size into account) and the salt content is pretty low. As for any bonuses for that lack of true sweetness… I can’t really see any, to be honest. Yet, some folks don’t like flapjacks because of that element.

In conclusion; an affordable and somewhat tasty offering. A little search shows there’s 27 flavours and some of them are not the usual suspects for a bar, such as coffee, mango and walnut. Though neither of the physical shops I’ve listed stock the whole range – my offering only had three.

Though personally, if I was looking for an emergency flapjack for my backpack, I’d go with the Muscle Moose Flapjack or a pair of Trek Flapjacks instead for better macros (save salt). But if I was unable to get hold of them, this product would be a decent (thought not great) replacement of. Yet… you are not me. Your needs shall be different to mine. Which is why I don’t give number scores for reviews.

Nutritionals:

	Per 100g	Per Bar
Energy	437 cal	393 cal
Fat	17.9g	16.1g
…which is saturates	6.9g	6.2g
Carbohydrate	62.1g	55.9g
…which is sugars	24.9g	22.4g
Fibre	1.1g	1.0g
Protein	6.3g	5.6g
Salt	0.14g	0.13g

Facts:

Full Name: Ma Baker Giant Bar

RRP: £0.79 (90g)

Available At: Holland & Barrett, Morrisons.

Ultimate Owner: First Quality Foods Ltd.

Date of Testing: 6^th February 2022.

Version Tested: Oats & Banana.

As everything on this blog, merely my own thoughts and opinions. I’ve not received anything for this review. Facts correct at date of testing. Part of my Product Reviews series.

Review: Meridian Sustain Nut Bar

Today’s offering is from Meridian; the ‘nut butters’ people which I almost never buy due to it being too rich for my wallet. Plus, I find the consistency of the peanut one… not to my liking. Not relevant to this review, however. Though I didn’t even know they did a bar – or more correctly, a range of bars.

Firstly, the name. As of time of review, there’s a range of four bars – but all of them peanut. Which is frankly, a little saddening for me; feeling that other nuts don’t get half as much exposure that peanuts do (okay, peanuts are technically not a nut, but I don’t care in this respect).

The packet is… well, kinda small. So small it’s a little hard to believe it’s actually 40g (but it is, I weighed it). It’s got the similar design to the nut jars; this one being a various mix of oranges and yellows. Odd; the picture on the front makes it look rather like a date bar, not a peanut one – the mix of a peanut-banana mash, I assume? Boasts ‘no palm oil’ – which may be either a Bad Thing or a Good Thing, and an announcement it’s ‘plant based’ which I take to mean it’s vegan. Oh, also soya and gluten free. Another message on side telling me it’s made from ‘Meridian Peanut Butter’ – well, for those unfamiliar with the product I’ll tell you it’s not peanut butter, but merely crushed peanuts sitting in their own oil. Plus, it’s made with it’s red skin on, which gives it a rather different taste.

I open it up – it does look even more like date-paste with crushed peanuts in it. Smells mainly of banana and… some form of malty thing? (rice starch/malt). Sticky to the touch, it breaks with a bit of difficulty, revealing that it’s basically the same all the way through.

Bite is firm, chewy but not too much. It starts by tasting almost completely like banana, but as you chew it more the peanut notes start to come through. But not enough, to be frank – the fruit is quite the dominant taste too. A quick look at the ingredients tells me why; they’re dried bananas, which are normally much more flavoursome than the fresh.

Nutritionally, this product counts as an ‘energy bar’, and a decent enough one at that. Yes, fats are high – and the ‘calorie density’ is correspondingly higher – but the saturates are rather low. It’s got a respectable little dollop of protein and a smidge of fibre too. Lastly, very low salt rating, which is somewhat rare in barred products.

In conclusion; worth a look. That is, if you don’t mind the rather high unit cost and you like banana – the latter one means that this product does have an actual distinctive taste to it, which is a lot rarer than most folks would think.

Nutritionals:

	Per 100g	Per Bar
Energy	442 cal	177 cal
Fat	25g	10g
…which is saturates	3.3g	1.3g
Carbohydrate	36g	14g
…which is sugars	19g	7.4g
Fibre	4.8g	1.9g
Protein	17g	6.8g
Salt	0.05g	0.02g

Facts:

Full Name: Meridian Sustain Nut Bar

RRP: £0.90 (40g) – from a multipack of 3.

Available At: Ocado.

Ultimate Owner: 3V Natural Foods Ltd.

Date of Testing: 7^th January 2022

Version Tested: Peanut & Banana

As everything on this blog, merely my own thoughts and opinions. I’ve not received anything for this review. Facts correct at date of testing. Part of my Product Reviews series.

Review: The Vegetarian Butcher What The Cluck

Another entry in the ‘ersatz meat’ category; which oddly enough is now large enough to be a category on this blog. This time, we’re looking at the offering from ‘The Vegetarian Butcher’ Unilever. I know, a bit pedantic, but I’d like to point out a yet another arm of the massive corporate octopi which normally escapes direct attention (however, to their credit they do put their logo on their products, like this one).

Anyway, as ever we start with the packaging. Got that retro, vaguely nouveau look in the design; a part of me wonders whether the woman in the drawing is a real person or not (it’s not the founder; he’s on the other side and is noted by his complete absence of hair). Vague sense of annoyance; as a left-hander, I feel seeing the fork on the right hand side of the stylised dish on the front excludes me. Back to the founder. He’s got a blurb on the back, and as this company was a takeover, he’s a real founder and thus, not a figment of Unilever’s imagination. It’s already been frozen, but does say you can re-freeze. Which is good.

I slip off the card packet, revealing… a plastic tray. Predictable, but a touch sad (had hoped the card packet was the whole thing. Okay, I can be a bit dim at times…). On closer inspection, the pieces don’t look exactly like chicken; they’re a bit too dark, slightly orange in hue than flesh would be. The smell is vaguely odd, the type you find difficult to put your finger on – until you remember that is the smell of soya (88% soya protein/water blend).

I cook lightly in a pan with olive oil, side of lemon couscous and vegetables; so the product is as naked as possible but still in a ‘real world condition’. Like most fakeries, cooks very quickly – I have to in fact, slightly top-up with oil when it started to stick to the pan (though that’s more an indictment of the clapped-out pan which lost it’s non-stick ages ago). Smells kinda nice when cooking too.

Once cooked, it looks much more like chicken; many of the bits have turned an appetizing brown. And the consumption is good. Taste is a touch weak for my liking, but the flavour is chicken-like. Texture is close enough. Either I cooked it better than last time or it’s naturally more moist a product. Once again, I believe this product can cheat the taste-buds. But can it also trick the stomach?

Nutritionally… well, the plus sides first. It’s not hugely bulked out with carbohydrates, and it’s not loaded with saturated fats. Anything else? Oh, it has a bit of fibre in it. Now the minuses.

Firstly, the protein content. It’s basically half the level of the equivalent lean clucky-flesh. Now, that’s not a deal-breaker in itself – we who are watching for this can simply compensate – but this and the price means it’s become a very expensive protein source.

The other one is more serious; the salt. Look, I can’t really get behind a product which has twenty-four times more of it than fresh chicken pieces. Hell, it’s almost two and a half times higher than the cheaper chicken which is plumped up with saltwater. And don’t tell me that it’s unavoidable, for This Isn’t Chicken managed to get the salt down by 40% and they were billed as ‘Salt and Pepper Pieces’.

Okay, I’m aware that these fake meats are salty, but the fact this is not really highlighted on the packaging. They’ve not hidden it – they have the nutritionals ‘per portion’ listed on the front, but… shit. I think I’ve actually found a use of the ‘nutritional traffic lights’ thing (for salt would be a ‘red’… bet that’s why this product’s lights aren’t coloured). My worry is that there’s some folks out there who equate vegan = healthy and then chomp down a load, not realising their error.

If this fact wasn’t enough to give a thumbs-down to this product, the price is. For it stands at £18.75 a kilo. It cannot compete with any form of fleshy chicken at this level. Which leads to me echoing the same conclusion I had for This Isn’t Chicken; while it succeeds on a vegan front, it fails on a pragmatic flexitarian one due to the above problems (though winning on the taste one, just to emphasise).

The founder argues in his blurb that basically, Science Marches On and we will one day be able to replace animal products with ersatz versions. A laudable goal, and one I think we’re come a lot closer to in the last decade, as this product (and others) show. But we’re not there yet.

I’ll consider this product if I was cooking a dish for my vegan sibling which requires a chicken stand-in. Or if it was discounted more than say, 65%. But that’s it, really.

Nutritionals:

Energy	126 cal
Fat	4.2g
…which is saturates	0.5g
Carbohydrate	5.2g
…which is sugars	0.5g
Fibre	2.5g
Protein	16g
Salt	1.7g

Facts:

Full Name: The Vegetarian Butcher What The Cluck

RRP: £3.00 (160g)

Available At: Morrisons, Tesco, Sainsbury’s, Ocado, Waitrose, the Co-Op.

Ultimate Owner: Unilever Plc.

Date of Testing: 21^st November 2021

As everything on this blog, merely my own thoughts and opinions. I’ve not received anything for this review. Facts correct at date of testing. Part of my Product Reviews series.

Review: Proper Chips Lentil Crisps

Let’s be honest here; even for folks pretty into the healthy eating and the eternal diet thing, we get… certain urges now and then. Like the desire to eat the occasional crappy item which we frankly shouldn’t. Or where we’d like to pass as remotely normal at an event, like a family gathering. Which is the primary reason for reviewing ‘crisp-like’ products like this; to see if they’re a ‘Less Worse’ alternative, and if so how less.

In this case, I’ve got a single-portion packet, which in size is about the same as the old-school crisp bags we used to see before inflation caused them to shrink. Oddly light, though; makes me wonder how much air I’ve bought with them. The slight surreality of the front picture is an original touch, I’ll give them that. The boast of ’96 kcal per pack’ is clearly aiming for the diet market, or just the fact that as ‘junk food’ many people assume crisps are calorie-dense (they are, but not as bad as assumed. At least, not normally.)

I open up the packet fine; the scent is a bit like prawn crackers, oddly enough. Looking down at the contents, I credit the makers with the fact the picture on the front does in fact look like the product. Sorta. RL seems a bit… paler. But kudos in being ‘acceptably close’ here. Though before the makers celebrate, I’ll next point out that the packet was under half-full, so the feelings of being conned still remain (though admittedly, almost all companies play this game).

The crisps themselves are light in comparison to size, reminding me a little of that old crisp staple, Quavers. Bite is firm, the mouth-feel reminds me here of a more delicate Discos (do they still make them?). Flavouring can be described as ‘delicate’ too, though admittedly I did get plain salted, which traditionally is the most neutral of flavours. Apart from the salt, tastes a bit like lentils, but not as aggressively as I suspected they would be. This is partly why some reviews suggest pairing this product with a dip. Only snag with this is the fact perhaps a third of my crisps were realistically too small for dipping, though this may simply be down to bad luck and/or from having a small one-portion packet. But on this front, a clear win; I like the taste and nor are they that greasy to the touch.

On the macros side… it’s not so good. In fact, when I put it in my hallowed spreadsheet, this product is very close to my benchmark ‘standard potato crisps’ entry. They a little lighter in calorie, due to the fact they’re a third less in the fat. But that’s simply replaced with ‘more carbs’, and really, the reduction of about ~10 calories off a standard packet is hardly worth writing home about. Though swings and roundabouts; similar can be said about the thirty percent extra salt this product has. Apart from that, the protein rating is a third higher, but basically that weight came off the loss of fibre.

In conclusion; enjoy the taste. But don’t trick yourself for a moment that these are somehow ‘better for you’ than normal crisps. The only bonus is that they’re vegan, but it turns out quite a lot of ‘normal’ crisps are vegan too.

Nutritionals:

	Per 100g	Per Packet
Energy	482 cal	96 cal
Fat	20.8g	4.2g
…which is saturates	3g	0.6g
Carbohydrate	63.6g	12.7g
…which is sugars	1g	0.2g
Fibre	0.7g	0.1g
Protein	9.7g	1.9g
Salt	1.84g	0.37g

Facts:

Full Name: Proper Chips Lentil Crisps

RRP: £0.85 (20g)

Available At: Tesco, Sainsbury’s, Waitrose, Holland & Barrett, Ocado, Morrisons.

Ultimate Owner: Exponent Private Equity Llp

Date of Testing: 15^th November 2021

Version Tested: Sea Salt

As everything on this blog, merely my own thoughts and opinions. I’ve not received anything for this review. Facts correct at date of testing. Part of my Product Reviews series.