Bullying, grooming, extremist propaganda, “making children lazy/stupid” etc; there doesn’t seem there’s many crimes the virtual world isn’t guilty of. It’s like a constant drip-drip-drip of new reports; a teenager commits suicide? Must be social media’s fault. My son is showing “unhealthy” interest in sex? Internet porn. My daughter is anorexic? Pro-ana, websites, clearly. It’s become almost boringly predictable call-and-response; “(problem)? – internet’s fault!” akin to how far-right loons and shitlords whisper “the Jews”. And it’s becoming the largest moral panic we’ve seen since… I’m not sure we’ve had this one this big before in the UK. But… is it worth panicking about? And if so, what do we do – or should not do – about it?
When I Was Young…
Part of the problem is that the virtual world has become ubiquitous. For many of us, the quickest, easiest way to contact us is online, it’s the primary source of news and often the bulk of the “reading matter” we’ve consumed. It’s offered viable alternatives to newspapers, books, magazines, telegrams, telephones, the radio, records, television, videos, the cinema, letters, public meetings, shops, the office, schools, strip-clubs… it’s clearly up in the “top ten” most disruptive inventions known to humanity so far. And the simple fact is, even us ‘Xennials’ don’t really appreciate how the virtual has become the norm when compared to all the above items.
That unless you’ve taken the conscious effort to remain current, the vast majority of older adults don’t get this. If you’re reared in the world where the virtual is everywhere and “always has been”, to not be there seems quixotic, weird or just plain stupid. I’ve had this myself; trying to explain how much of a bitch a week with no internet would be on my life to a relative who barely ever goes online. Basically, it was impossible; they were unable to shift their mental gear off their own setting to see the situation from a differing view.
These folk often are the followers of the Luddite option with their kids – simply to deny the tech. No smartphone, sometimes no mobile phone period. No laptop or tablet; casual ones say “in the bedroom”, the hardcores might have a complete ban – or perhaps one “family computer” in the front room, with screen visible to all and possibly with a timer of your “daily usage”. The constant parental breathing down neck and “what’s this rubbish you’re looking at?” is optional, but highly popular.
Unsurprisingly, these folk are often hypocrites. When not using their own social media etc “for work purposes” or whatever, they seem to usually not object to any tech which pre-dates their own youth. The most obvious example of this is television – something which I’ll bet they consume by the metaphorical gallon. Which was attacked too back in the day; I once lived in a placement where the device was rationed to no more than two hours a day – often less.
It is also futile. You’re subjecting your children to relative social isolation, keeping them away from tech despite the fact the world is full of it. It’s akin to making sure your daughter doesn’t get pregnant by never letting her come in contact with any male who could do the deed. And like the daughter, your kids will have to encounter the virtual at some point, and your Luddite ways could result in a severe fuck-up, like the girl with her abstinence ring and baby bump.
Scaremongering…
In a more reasonable level, we have the “think of the children!” crowd. Perhaps “less insane” is a better description; they at least recognise the basics of reality, like the virtual is here to stay and it has positive uses. The problem is, citing children is often the easiest way to short-circuit technical knowledge or simple common sense – and gain political kudos.
We saw this recently in the UK, with the now aborted “PornPass” plan. In a nutshell; in the guise of protecting The Children! from online pornography, it required British ISPs to put up gates to pornography sites, only accessible via the inputting of a valid Pass. Which you could either get online or physically from shops.
There’s so many holes in this proposal I’m not sure where to start. Hmm, the fact you’ll be creating basically a list of all pornography consumers in the UK, which would be worth millions for blackmail if stolen? The fact that there’s many sites where you can get The Stuff which aren’t obviously porn sites? That you can circumvent the blocks by using proxy servers? How about the fact a horny, tech-savvy teen can simply get their parent’s credit card details from say their Amazon account and get a pass that way? Or that – as far as I can tell – much of The Stuff circulates through peer-to-peer networks?
Naturally, the Helen Lovejoys of this world are perfect stooges for politicians with authoritarian instincts. From demands to remove encryption from communications to wanting social media profiles to be linked to RL identities – the authoritarian state desires every single one of us to reside in a virtual panopticon where we can be checked on at any time They see fit. Or more likely, when the algorithm flags us up as “suspicious”. But… think of the children!
Not My Job…
While the Luddites are stupid, the Lovejoys are lazy. They cannot be bothered to learn how tech works, to fit say internet filters or to simply communicate with their damn kids. They’re palming off their responsibilities to the state, then they complain that it’s “not doing it right”. If you don’t want your kid learning about sex from porn, teach them yourself. In fact, occasionally pornography can help this; a quick trawl of said sites can usually offer up a whole gamut of body shapes – which can help a teenager realise that they’re not as freakishly ugly as they imagine. Rinse and repeat.
One worrying development I’ve seen, however the various trackers and spyware some parents put on their kid’s devices (well, at least I can’t accuse them of laziness here). The alarm goes off if they’re outside the “permitted area”, a report is emailed if the keylogger shows they’re searching “banned words” and the like. Now, while I get why a small kid would have these, I feel for them to be present for a teenager is a violation of both trust and privacy.
A lot of dysfunctional parent-child relationships happen because of lack of trust. When the teen knows or suspects they’re being spied on, they’ll invariably take “measures” against it, often on a matter of principle. The more they feel “the truth” will be used against them, the more they’ll hide from their parent(s). And once they feel the trust has been violated, chances are it’s gone for good. Trust me, I know this; growing up in care meant I lost all trust in adults by the age of twelve, and this led to me having a partial breakdown at fourteen. Lastly, we need to remember that some privacy is good; there are things we simply don’t need to know about others, and this includes teenage kids.
Moral Panic?
Don’t get me wrong; there are clearly dangers online. There always will be. But once again, it’s all about perspective. For example; the NHS reports the rise of mental health disorders amongst the under eighteens between 2004 and 2017 to be around 10% – and this could be attributed to other factors than social media – for example reporting bias (more children are open about admitting they need help), a wider application of the definition (such as gender identity issues) or other societal issues (erm, the Great Recession, Austerity, Climate Emergency etc).
But there’s no need to have us all living in virtual panopticons or using sledgehammers to crack nuts to “protect children” from things which may be exaggerated or even non-existent. As history shows us, there’s been various panics over decades; rock and roll didn’t turn all 50s kids into delinquents, Dungeons & Dragons didn’t make 80s kids Satanists and violent computer games didn’t make all 90s kids go and shoot up their schools like in Columbine. Why do we assume that this situation is “completely different”?
You want to protect your kids from the Evil Online? Get decent internet filters, learn of the current trends and educate your kids on things like personal boundaries, privacy and mental scepticism. And to always be emotionally available to them to discuss tricky issues as and when they arise. In a manner which doesn’t simply mock them either – just because you think it’s trivial, doesn’t mean they do. Lastly, to build and keep trust. Trust over all. Even the most sullen Kevin the Teenager – if they know they can trust you – will run to you if in a big enough jam. Well, eventually.
As everything on this blog, merely my own thoughts and opinions. Part of my ‘Essays‘ series.